Ugh

Reality is finally setting in. There really is only one person who reads my blog. No matter I will trundle on for her sake (you know who you are) :)

I started school again and after a week of classes I remembered why I loathe it. endless class hours, sitting in the library for interminable periods of time, reading until my eyes hurt. All fabulous stuff. On top of all that I have gotten three grades back from last semester. the first 2, well they were awesome. I was on a high, the likes of which I have not experienced in years. And then it all came crashing down when grade three came in. Like a dart to the lung I was deflated so fast I shocked myself. It hurt and it hurt bad.

That's it, grieve for me.....and look for my recipes to start showing up on material maidel's recipe blog Kosher Cuisine

Back to Basics

I just noticed that it has been 10 days since my last post. That is far too long. There is no real reason, just that when I am not in school I spend much less time in front of a computer so I forget to post. School starts tomorrow so I should be posting more frequently, but don't bet on it. However, I think I have 4 readers (+/- 4) so not to many people noticed my absence. Feel free to let me know if you have.

Having just read nameless' post about her taking down some of her old stuff because it grossed her out, I realized that my old stuff didn't gross me out so much as it made me upset. If only because I started this as a place to get my homicidal, maniacal, anti-human race, Brooklyn-hating, Jewish-stereotype bashing out in the open, and I have not done nearly enough of that.

So, let's return to our roots. I spent Shabbos with my mother's entire family. 25 people around the Shabbos table. It was so crowded we all had to eat in unison otherwise you couldnt lift your fork without nearly maiming the person next to you. Friday night the subject of double parking came up. I can think of a few things more rage inducing than a double parked car as I am trying to drive, but not too many come to mind. Why the f-ck do people think that their trip to the cleaners, liquor store, takeout place etc. is more important than anyone else's time? (Assholes on Avenue M I am talking to you.)Who the f-ck died and made you king? In my opinion, it's not that there are too many, but there are not enough meter maids giving double parking tickets, and the tickets they write are not enough. If you are sitting in your car double parked you should get a ticket, and 2 points on your license as if you committed a moving violation. If you double park and leave your car? Let the air out of one or more tires (depends on how long you have left your car). Then when you try to change it in middle of the street, maybe a good samaritan will hit you and put you out of your misery.

If this offends you, I don't give 2 sh-ts (as long as you keep reading of course). I am done being nice.

The Safety Dance

I haven't posted in a week. Only one person, maybe two probably noticed but I will keep posting anyway. I was away for a few days in Atlantic City. A friend of mine who is a degenerate gambler got a room comped for me and my wife so we took advantage. Now that I am back, $20 dollars richer, I will respond to nameless' tag of me in Maidel's meme game.

So here we go, 7 interesting things about me, Cynic.

1) Acrophobia. Not severe but pretty debilitating. Not paralyzing, but enough to make me shake and break out in a sweat. bad enough to have to be pushed off a high diving board into a pool because I could not jump myself. Yet, I absolutely love roller coasters. Maybe the fear makes it more enjoyable, I get more of a rush, I don't know what it is but I avoid high places, like a fat guy avoids broccoli. I keep my distance.

2) I am a huge sports fan. Yankees, Giants, Islanders. 2 out of 3 ain't bad...My mood ranges from happy to euphoric when my teams win, and from sad to deep depression when they lose (except for the Islanders, I have become desensitized to them losing). I follow my teams every day all year round, whether it is their season or not. Newspapers, radio, internet, I use them all for information. So, you might think I play fantasy sports but......

3) ...I hate fantasy sports!!! If you are a fan of any team, root for that team for crying out loud! There is no reason why every sunday you should be sitting watching a completely random football game hoping the backup tight end gets 3 touchdowns, and the wide receiver passes for a score. Be a fan, not an asinine stathead.

4) Obscure 80's bands. One hit wonders. The more obscure the better. Men Without Hats. Lipps Inc. Devo. Bow Wow Wow. Soft Cell. Waitresses. Falco. Dexy's MIdnight Runners. After the Fire. I'm a big fan, period.

5) Biking. Not of the spandex wearing or harley riding variety. just good old bike riding. I am a bit more serious than your average cyclist, but I have not reached the stage where I own more than one bike, ride with a group, have bike specific clothing, or suffer from saddle sores. I just like to get out on my bike and ride. 20-30 miles at a time, upstate is my favorite location, preferably with music in my ears. I aspire to need spandex (for that will mean I lost alot of weight).

6) Cheap. I am cheap. Occassionally petty as well but always cheap. Good qualities in a hooker (cheap anyway - thanks nameless for that one) I don't like to spend money, and when I have to, I minimize it as much as I can. Based on a poll of my two other really cheap friends I placed second. By a wide margin, but also comfortably ahead of the third place finisher.

7) Lastly, I have never gotten completely drunk. Drunk enough to not drive? Yes. Drunk enough to puke in a curbside garbage can? Yes. But completely drunk to the point where I dont remember what happened, or lost control? No. I am way to guarded for that. Deathly afraid if what I will say or do while inebriated to let myself ever reach that stage.

And now the wrap up. Thank you nameless, for making me sit here and come up with this list. I know I told you I would not do it but I decided that I would suck it up and come up with 7 things. They are mostly lame, but they should evoke more than one comment, so I guess I would win in that case. I have but one person to tag, so hopefully this does not die with me. Nemo you're it.

Seven Facts About Me Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people (if possible) at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

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Epic Fail

It has been a few days since I last posted, and I know there are a (very) few of you who may have noticed. The reason is that I have had a Chanukah party every night this week, save for tonight. Why is Chanukah the time designated to annoy the crap out of family and friends with excessive lame parties? (especially from the in-laws side) The rest of the year we don't "party" but com Chanukah and we can't stop. Are we that jealous of all the Christmas parties? If you are, go and bake a fruitcake and leave me out of it. I dont need to be bothered.

But, I wanted to say something else also. Maybe this will explain why my tone is especially bitter tonight. I went skiing today and suffered an epic fall. I am a pretty good skier, everything but the hardest double black diamond trails and I wiped out fantastically on the bottom of a ridiculously easy blue trail. I slammed my head to the floor, bruised my cheek, gave myself whiplash and lastly, suffered a crushing blow to my pride and ego.

Now you know why I am bitter. And no, another Chanukah party from the in-laws side, after Shabbos by the in-laws, will only do one thing; make me homicidal.

It should give me plenty of what to rant about though, but I refuse to see the good in this yet. Stay posted maybe I will find it.

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A(nother) Holiday?

So Chanukah is upon us. don't get me wrong, I love this time of year and I love Chanukah. My hebrew birthday is righ after and it is generally a happy time of year. Although I wonder how much of the happiness is attributable to the festive christmas atmosphere everywhere.

For the 8 nights of Chanukah I have 4 parties, but i will get into that subject a little later. for now I have a more pressing concern.

Shabbos Chanukah.

I get invited by both my parents and my in-laws. Apparently it has become another yom tov which must be split between the two sides? When did this happen? Do we really need another one? All I know is that one isde will end up being insulted if we don't go to them so that is what it comes down to.

Seriously, when did this become a shabbos where you have to invite company and make a big deal? All i hear is "where are you going to be for shabbos chanukah?" Wtf? When did it become it's own entity? Is it just mine and my wife's family? Anyone else experiencing this ridiculousness?!?! Anyone care to venture a reason?

Loud Noises

Although I am not too tired (ala Nameless), I just don't have the patience to sit and write a long-winded post right now.

So a quick question which shul on shabbos has given me. This is for all the frummies out there who read this (c'mon I know there are more than my usual commenters who read this). Why must you daven so loud in shul? I know FrumSatire has mentioned this, but I really need to get to the bottom of it. Do you really think that the volume of your davening is directly proportionate to its meaning and value? One argument is that it helps you concentrate (I know because I have heard this from a loud davener himself), but I just cannot help but to think that there can be some other way for you to channel your concentration besides yelling like a howler monkey. Someway where you will not annoy me to the point of physical assault, yet still maintain your high level of concentration.

Anyone else have this experience? Is it only men or women also?

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It's Five O'clock Somewhere

The moment I had been waiting for finally came, and it was strangely anti-climactic. I should have known it was going to be, but I kept hoping and anticipating anyway.
In my opinion being in law school is like being a golfer or a gambler; 2 people who according to Lewis Black, lead much fuller lives when they anticipate, and which are really crappy when they participate.

Yes, I finished my semester and it sucked. It went a little something like this.

The whole semester - crappy
Studying for Finals - amazingly and horrifically crappy
Taking Finals - cumulatively like getting stoned .....see,
  Banking Law - Chinese Water Torture
  Constitutional Law - Flogging
  Corporations - Blunt Force Trauma
  Evidence - Sodomy

Now I know what you are thinking, how does he know what it feels like to get stoned, or flogged, or water-tortured? The answer is I don't. But, I can't imagine it is any more painful, emotionally and cognitively, than finals in law school. To wit, If my Evidence exam could have stood up behind me, it would have performed unspeakable horrors, which would leave me in therapy for a very long time.

Thankfully they are over, and I can get back to doing things I really enjoy. Blogging, preparing for a child iy"h, eating, skiing, eating etc.

P.S. If you know what any of those things actually feel like, please let me know. If you don't feel free to speculate in the comments.

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