Almost that time again.....

School starts again for me on Thursday so I might be a more frequent visitor here if my classes are as boring as last semester, or if they are more difficult (which is probably the case) you will see me even less than you do now. With that preface.....

I spent shabbos with my grandparents. Normally this is a tiring experience, for although I love them dearly they do grow a bit tiresome after long stretches. The moment which I most enjoyed was my grandmother saying to everyone that "I hate to be an anti-semite but when I was in wal-mart the chassidim were so rude that it made me sick. Pushing, shoving, running you down with the carts, being rude.I just can't stand it."

Now there is no doubt where I get it from.

Thanks Grandma.

Gaining Steam

So it is my last day of work for the summer. So far I have not worked but I did go out to lunch with the 2 partners here. Excellent food and surprisingly good company.

Meanwhile back at the ranch....

My car is in the shop because it needs a new battery. I am pissed. I bought one and attempted to install it myself. I say attempted because I could not get the terminals off, and the mount cracked. So instead of saving money I now have a $50 installation bill by the mechanic.

In addition, I am going to drive upstate tonight for the weekend, as is the ritual for many of our people during the summer months. It is from the 3 days spent in the Catskills over the weekend where I derive much of my sarcasm and cynicism. I get to see how visitors (Jewish people) to an area they do not inhabit 10 months out of the year (the Catskills), so callously and rudely treat the "natives".

Do jewish people not "get out enough" that they have to run around Wal-Mart wearing Mark Martin hats (the Viagra sponsored NASCAR driver) while waving salamis in the air? Do they have to fake limp to make use of the motorized shopping carts so they can race down the aisles at 0.5 miles an hour?

Is this what they think the rest of the world does when they go shopping?

Ponder and comment over the weekend, i'll be back on Sunday.

Continuing

Got one response to my coming back post. Pathetic, but I am a man of my word. I said I am coming back and I will.

Lately I have been much more on edge. The wrong comment, look, action and I find myself seething with anger. I would say this is a problem that needs to be addressed but what if it is only my fellow Yidden who bring this out. Can one have Anger Management issues only in response to one type of person?

Why cant Jews act like the rest of society? I am not even talking about money laundering, or kidney selling. I am talking about behaving like a civilized human being, like someone who has actually spent some time alive in the outside world.

I am not going to go into specific examples because I will fly into a fit of rage (which is not tolerated in my office) but if you have stories to share please post them in comments and I will be sure to respond/elaborate/rant/seethe with anger.

5 months and change.....

Been awhile but I think I am coming back.

If you read this, comment. Just write something. I want to know if I am talking to myself or if there are others out there who care. 5 and a half months has left me with a lot of material.

Brace yourself hombres.....

Twit!

Don't have time for a full update seeing as how I am in class, but you can now follow me on twitter - @FrumCynic

I am assuming no one actually cares, but I feel obligated to post this.

and on the 5th day.....

It is hotter than a camel's balls in the Sahara. The heat is set on 71 and there is nothing I can do about it!

The food, is as bland and colorless as ever, and no one seems to care!

The lights are off, the shades are drawn, and everyone is on the verge of depression;but I have no idea why.

Stay tuned for more, hilarity (or suicide) will ensue.....

Food? Really?

Supper last night: Meat, potatoes, carrots cooked in a platic bag, sans seasoning.

Question - "What kind of meat is this?"
Answer - "Pepper Steak, but I don't like cooking with peppers so I made it this way in the bag."

C'mon, at least try a little.....

Superman

I have an ongoing fascination with a particular asshat in school. My friends and I refer to him as Superman, because only the Man of Steel could possibly carry out all the things he claims he does. And only the Man fo Steel - Guido version could tell it over with his flair.
Here is a typical comment -
Superman: "I went to the gym last night and blasted my lats for 4 hours. Then I came to school and 6 am did 6 hours of Con Law, took a 20 minute nap and went back to the gym. Gotta work on my pecs, man."

Recently however, he made a comment so startlingly retarded that I laughed out loud, even though I was a mere 10 feet away. Let me set the stage. Two girls come into class. They are best friends, and are practically joined at the hip. You almost never see one without the other. Both are fairly attractive and are borderline anorexic skinny. They sit down and the fun began.

Older Woman: "Are you 2 best friends?"

Best Friends: (somewhat sheepishly) "Yeah"

Older woman: "I knew it! You have a certain look about you, that I just knew you
were best friends."

Superman: (in an uncomfortably loud voice) "It's because they are both hot!"

Need I say more?

I'm Back.....

So the day you have been waiting for with baited breath has arrived; I have come back to blog again. For a change though this will be a happy, carefree, giggly, jubilant post, although that will soon change as i will explain.

See, my wife gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday. That makes me a father. Freaky yet cool all at once. I don't have much more to say, other than holding your child in your hands is unbelievably awesome.

Now, I get to move into my in-laws house. That is where the dark side of this blog will return, and I will be here to tell you all about it.


So, revel in my renaissance and await my next post.

Ugh

Reality is finally setting in. There really is only one person who reads my blog. No matter I will trundle on for her sake (you know who you are) :)

I started school again and after a week of classes I remembered why I loathe it. endless class hours, sitting in the library for interminable periods of time, reading until my eyes hurt. All fabulous stuff. On top of all that I have gotten three grades back from last semester. the first 2, well they were awesome. I was on a high, the likes of which I have not experienced in years. And then it all came crashing down when grade three came in. Like a dart to the lung I was deflated so fast I shocked myself. It hurt and it hurt bad.

That's it, grieve for me.....and look for my recipes to start showing up on material maidel's recipe blog Kosher Cuisine

Back to Basics

I just noticed that it has been 10 days since my last post. That is far too long. There is no real reason, just that when I am not in school I spend much less time in front of a computer so I forget to post. School starts tomorrow so I should be posting more frequently, but don't bet on it. However, I think I have 4 readers (+/- 4) so not to many people noticed my absence. Feel free to let me know if you have.

Having just read nameless' post about her taking down some of her old stuff because it grossed her out, I realized that my old stuff didn't gross me out so much as it made me upset. If only because I started this as a place to get my homicidal, maniacal, anti-human race, Brooklyn-hating, Jewish-stereotype bashing out in the open, and I have not done nearly enough of that.

So, let's return to our roots. I spent Shabbos with my mother's entire family. 25 people around the Shabbos table. It was so crowded we all had to eat in unison otherwise you couldnt lift your fork without nearly maiming the person next to you. Friday night the subject of double parking came up. I can think of a few things more rage inducing than a double parked car as I am trying to drive, but not too many come to mind. Why the f-ck do people think that their trip to the cleaners, liquor store, takeout place etc. is more important than anyone else's time? (Assholes on Avenue M I am talking to you.)Who the f-ck died and made you king? In my opinion, it's not that there are too many, but there are not enough meter maids giving double parking tickets, and the tickets they write are not enough. If you are sitting in your car double parked you should get a ticket, and 2 points on your license as if you committed a moving violation. If you double park and leave your car? Let the air out of one or more tires (depends on how long you have left your car). Then when you try to change it in middle of the street, maybe a good samaritan will hit you and put you out of your misery.

If this offends you, I don't give 2 sh-ts (as long as you keep reading of course). I am done being nice.

The Safety Dance

I haven't posted in a week. Only one person, maybe two probably noticed but I will keep posting anyway. I was away for a few days in Atlantic City. A friend of mine who is a degenerate gambler got a room comped for me and my wife so we took advantage. Now that I am back, $20 dollars richer, I will respond to nameless' tag of me in Maidel's meme game.

So here we go, 7 interesting things about me, Cynic.

1) Acrophobia. Not severe but pretty debilitating. Not paralyzing, but enough to make me shake and break out in a sweat. bad enough to have to be pushed off a high diving board into a pool because I could not jump myself. Yet, I absolutely love roller coasters. Maybe the fear makes it more enjoyable, I get more of a rush, I don't know what it is but I avoid high places, like a fat guy avoids broccoli. I keep my distance.

2) I am a huge sports fan. Yankees, Giants, Islanders. 2 out of 3 ain't bad...My mood ranges from happy to euphoric when my teams win, and from sad to deep depression when they lose (except for the Islanders, I have become desensitized to them losing). I follow my teams every day all year round, whether it is their season or not. Newspapers, radio, internet, I use them all for information. So, you might think I play fantasy sports but......

3) ...I hate fantasy sports!!! If you are a fan of any team, root for that team for crying out loud! There is no reason why every sunday you should be sitting watching a completely random football game hoping the backup tight end gets 3 touchdowns, and the wide receiver passes for a score. Be a fan, not an asinine stathead.

4) Obscure 80's bands. One hit wonders. The more obscure the better. Men Without Hats. Lipps Inc. Devo. Bow Wow Wow. Soft Cell. Waitresses. Falco. Dexy's MIdnight Runners. After the Fire. I'm a big fan, period.

5) Biking. Not of the spandex wearing or harley riding variety. just good old bike riding. I am a bit more serious than your average cyclist, but I have not reached the stage where I own more than one bike, ride with a group, have bike specific clothing, or suffer from saddle sores. I just like to get out on my bike and ride. 20-30 miles at a time, upstate is my favorite location, preferably with music in my ears. I aspire to need spandex (for that will mean I lost alot of weight).

6) Cheap. I am cheap. Occassionally petty as well but always cheap. Good qualities in a hooker (cheap anyway - thanks nameless for that one) I don't like to spend money, and when I have to, I minimize it as much as I can. Based on a poll of my two other really cheap friends I placed second. By a wide margin, but also comfortably ahead of the third place finisher.

7) Lastly, I have never gotten completely drunk. Drunk enough to not drive? Yes. Drunk enough to puke in a curbside garbage can? Yes. But completely drunk to the point where I dont remember what happened, or lost control? No. I am way to guarded for that. Deathly afraid if what I will say or do while inebriated to let myself ever reach that stage.

And now the wrap up. Thank you nameless, for making me sit here and come up with this list. I know I told you I would not do it but I decided that I would suck it up and come up with 7 things. They are mostly lame, but they should evoke more than one comment, so I guess I would win in that case. I have but one person to tag, so hopefully this does not die with me. Nemo you're it.

Seven Facts About Me Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people (if possible) at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

SCS...F