So I woke up this morning and realized that my first post was really hate filled. I do not regret this, I just feel like people may have misinterpreted the purpose of this blog. I am not here to hate on people or things, although I will do it quite often. I want to try and give you a view of the world through the eyes of a velvet yarmulke, black hat wearing frum jew. That's my half step back.
Two steps forward....
Why do frum women feel the need to drive tremendous SUVs? I feel like there is an inverse relationship between the size of the woman and the size of her car. The smaller the woman the bigger, longer, higher the SUV must be. Are they (as was said about Lord Farquaad in Shrek) "compensating for something"? Compensating for their husbands? Do they feel so inferior that they must validate themselves by driving (and I use that term loosely for what they do I am not sure constitutes driving) a behemoth of an automobile? Is it their outsized sense of importance that leads them to feel that only a car of this magnitude can contain them and their persona? Are there frum females with an entourage that must be able to fit in the back of their Escalade? are they going out clubbing and need room for all their girlfriends (or boyfriends, however they roll)? Is it really for their kids? C'mon we know that one is certainly not true, for a minivan is more practical and economical than any of the Suburbans, Expeditions, Escalades, or Hummers out there.
Do not approach this from an environmentalist point of view, for I am not concerned about the carbon footprint of frum women drivers. I am concerned for my relative safety when I am out on the roads. To me, driving and seeing a large SUV piloted by a small frum woman is terrifying.
Which brings me to my second point, why are they unable to drive? This is not a misogynistic rant against the female gender. I do not hate them, I am just perplexed at this wide spread social phenomenon. Females in general do not need me to defend them. They do things quite well, many things better than men, but for frum women, driving is not one of those things. Maybe it is the size of the SUV, maybe it is the bangs from their $3,000 shaitels in their eyes, maybe its the copious jewelry weighing down their arms. Whatever the root cause is I am not sure, but I am certain of one thing.....they are dangerous! This point is not reserved for Brooklyn, it spreads out and in fact may even be more prevalent in other neighborhoods such as the 5 Towns (that's Lawrence, Woodmere, Cedarhurst, Hewlett and Inwood).
In the words of Pat Benatar,
"Hit me with your best shot!"
--SCS...F
Posts
11 years ago
In the interest of full disclosure, I'm 5'3" and drive a Jeep - it's not that bad, but I just want to be clear since you broke out the big guns with Pat Benatar.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, douche-y petite women everywhere drive these monstrosities because wearing a 14-inch strap-on in public makes it hard to push a stroller.
But you know, that's just a theory.
If Pat Benatar is considered a "bug gun" well "you ain't seen nothin' yet" -- BTO
ReplyDeleteNameless - Although you technically fit into the category I described, the car you drive is not big enough to correspond to your height. the average frum woman who stands at 5'3" would have to be in a suburban, or an escalade. The average Jeep would not suffice. Unless you are using the generic term "Jeep", which went out of style with the macarena......
"douche-y pettite women" - I cant think of a more perfect phrase. but i would think stroller problems aside it would be hard to find a 14" strap-on, I thought they maxed out at 10" tops?
And in reciprocating the full disclosure i stand 6' and drive a hatchback...
While it's highly doubtful your pregnant wife would approve of dildotalk, for educational purposes (and out of fear that you might up the ante to "tears for fears" levels) I must inform you that you are seriously mistaken with respect to the grandeur of the strap-on apparatai market.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I personally like the hatchback - a throwback to my European youth. Ah, nostalgia....
While you are correct in that my wife would prob not approve of this conversation,since she does not know of the existence of this blog we can leave her out of this scintillating sex toy discussion.
ReplyDeleteBut, thank you for the informative lesson on dildos and strap-on apparatai, I now have some "Peace of Mind" and can go back to studying Evidence...
Wait a minute - how did I get the job of sex toy educator? I simply advocate the gleaning of knowledge from any area available. Let's just put it in writing that I have never made contact with a strap-on of any size and I'll start in on Civil Procedure.
ReplyDeleteOk I will clarify my earlier comment. I too try to gain information from any source possible, so let's leave it at that. you were simply providing info which I previously did not . No titles for anyone...and good luck on Civ Pro. I speak from recent experience, it is a real bitch!
ReplyDeleteIt is the bangs. Bangs and hats make people worse drivers.
ReplyDeleteI am on board with the bangs = worse drivers, but I am not sure about the hats. Unless you speak of the 'jewish sombrero' wherein the wearer can see nothing above their own nose without tilting their head back at some crazy angle. That can impair driving in the worst of ways.
ReplyDeleteThere has got to be an equation comparing bang length and driver ineptitude.
ReplyDeleteI got bangs recently and I became a 50% worser driver.
There is probably a direct correlation betweenn the two. However, I am in law school because I cannot do math, so if someone wants to explain this to me feel free.
ReplyDeleteI also wonder if it can correlated with grammar as well...something to look into...
True. Although I don't think my grammar became worse within the last week thank you very much. Sometimes it just takes too much effort to fix the syntax and whatnot...
ReplyDeleteJust a little good natured ribbing, no offense and whatnot...
ReplyDeleteOf course not. I love a good ribbing. But I still have to defend my honor sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI randomly got to this blog..(maybe from frumsatire), but this post is hilarious. I cant understand why these women drive huge cars especially when they cant back up. Try going to carpool at a Bais Yaakov and trying to see them get out of their parking spaces...its quite a site.
ReplyDeleteChana; welcome to my blog, I hope you will be a regular here. Since I do not know where you live, I will assume you are commenting about the Brooklyn version of these people, much like I was. I would say I know what you are talking about but I would not dare go near a school at dismissal. That is beyond hazardous to my health. I shudder to think what I would do if I got caught in that traffic with those people...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, glad to hear you like the blog. Spread thw word to everyone you know!
"The smaller the woman the bigger, longer, higher the SUV must be."
ReplyDeleteand you forgot - the bigger the sunglasses
Thank you for mentioning the sunglasses. I didn't forget I just felt that they deserved their own post. I didn't want the SUV issue to steal any of their thunder. But yes there is definitely a correlation there as well.
ReplyDeleteI like my big sunglasses. In fact, the last time I cried was over a particularly delectable pair at Galeries Lafayette. If this sounds pathetic, it's because it was - don't worry, immediately thereafter, I stepped into some Parisian dog poop. I was sufficiently punished.
ReplyDeleteThe mere fact that this took place in Paris, lends it an air of sophistication. Crying over an American pair of sunglasses would be sad, but over a Parisian pair? Who wouldn't cry?
ReplyDelete